Hi guys, Welcome to the Advanced Video Search Engine, and you are watching can’t understand normal thinking // a spoken word poem. That video is uploaded by hannah n r at 2020-08-14T16:40:34-07:00. We are promoting this video only for entertainment and educational purpose only. So, I hope you like & enjoy it. [xSrGJmVIRFg]
| Name | can’t understand normal thinking // a spoken word poem |
| Video Uploader | Video From hannah n r |
| Upload Date | This Video Uploaded At 14-08-2020 23:40:34 |
| Video Discription | hope u all enjoy this lil return from my hiatus ~ IG / hannahn.icole . . . can’t understand normal thinking // I was born into a box, always on the inside looking out, and by the time I was just starting to grow up I stopped learning how to be myself I came to think it was normal to have to hide things; not just personal space or privacy, but deep seeded secrets about every little thing, eating through me like acid from the inside out- feel myself turning inside out with every anxious breath, turned a body into a battering ram, turned and faced the mirror and shattered it with my fist, broken glass and cut hips- and I can’t even begin to tell you how tired I am of writing this poetry knowing full well it won’t really fix anything. and I never wanted to tell anyone. and I never know how to tell them when I do so it usually comes out sloppy; poured water, missed the glass, and now I’m cleaning up the mess: “it’s not really that bad,” but maybe it is and I’m just too good at protecting. call it maternal instinct cause we all know you only validate women’s emotions when it’s convenient for you, otherwise I’m out of control, hormonal, psycho. funny that I’m numb to you calling me a cunt but bitch still has a sting to it- a ring to it- call me a psycho bitch one more time I fucking dare you. no, please, really, call the cops on me, I’d love to hear their opinion on what’s been happening since I was 14 and fuck 12 but if you really must involve them I’ll be sure to not leave out any of the juicy details. maybe when you put down your hypocrisy we could actually have a decent conversation, you know, the kind where you don’t interrupt me. the kind that doesn’t end with me holding my head, in tears, begging you to stop talking because once again the universe is showing me that you will never listen- but I won’t be holding my breath, cause it’s old dog, new tricks, same lies- that you’ll be nice this time and then back to the same old, same old. if invalidating people was a valuable job you’d be the CEO; primary stockholder, cause it’s really all you’re good for. sorry- all you’re really good at- sometimes you’re good for a laugh, used to think you were a good dad but even that, I’m not even sure about that. and that’s the funny part- I’m not actually sure of anything. and blame it on me being 20, (everyone my age is clueless) but a meteor could strike me dead, exit stage left, handful of dirt into the ground, and coins on my eyes to pay the ferryman and what would be left? all those lists I made in my journal of things I want to do before I die? bucket lists and fuck it lists and romantic poetry about boys who didn’t give a shit, and honest to god or whoever is listening that is not all there is inside of me. I am not that fucking pathetic but I have been lately. got too good at laying down and taking it, and I’m symptomatic but this is a different kind of illness. all those tests and all those doctors and none of it could shine a light on this situation quite as well as you did. you kept up the good image for awhile, hiding behind tears and a joke and a smile, the I’m sorries you didn’t follow up with action- and to think I used to apologize to you. maybe my ex was right when he said words don’t mean anything. it was enough to make me fall out of love with him but maybe that’s because 3 years ago I hadn’t seen you in your finest colors yet and they really are something. and maybe I do get angry too easily but tell me you wouldn’t do the same if you didn’t have an identity. I don’t know who the fuck I am. I tell you that and you don’t care- I’m just supposed to wait a little longer, I’m supposed to get healthy first- did you ever consider that maybe I’d just like to feel like a person? a real person who has a space and isn’t always hiding in the corner with an armful of desires that they’ll never really follow? 17 was going to be better than 16 and 18 was going to be better than 17 and 19 was going to be better than 18 and by 20 I really hoped I’d have my shit together but I’m doing it again. I’m still here, again. I’m getting to the point where I don’t feel anything, and I barely eat, and I never dream, but I’m selfish, right? I’m the asshole here because I changed my mind about what you made me feel. I’m wrong because I tried so hard to figure out what was going on and you don’t like the answer. you are not my responsibility and I don’t think I really believe that yet, but I will. and I’ll show you if you pay attention just exactly what you missed and someday you’ll bite your fucking tongue instead of continuing. or you won’t, -which is the more probable outcome- and it’s not ideal but don’t get me wrong, I can easily live with it. I will do something good. I will make something good. no matter how hard you try to stop me, you can’t. cause if there’s one good thing I got from you it’s that even if it takes me a really, really long time, I will not fucking give in. VIII.XI.MMXX xSrGJmVIRFg |
| Category | People & Blogs |
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